Even if kids have heard about death, they usually think it is something temporary and reversible. He thinks everything has a purpose and that adults have special powers. Your young child lives in a magical world. They may even pick up on our reluctance to discuss death…which makes them even more curious…and worried. They may have seen a character die in a movie or overheard a discussion about an elderly relative. They’re trying to make sense of everything in the world around them…including death. At this age, they’re obsessed with the “whys” of the world. It may be unsettling to hear your preschooler talking about death but it’s developmentally normal. Of course, the next day you should bring it up, but start out by asking a bit more about what your child heard or saw or how she is thinking about it. That is the comfort they need in the moment and in the immediate view of the future. Young kids do best with a strong and predictable foundation and confidence in the world around them. Let’s think on that a little more and see if we can figure it out together, tomorrow.” Don’t worry if this is not being totally transparent with your child and that you will not “always” be there. But, one thing I can tell you 100%, right this second is that Mama loves you and I will always be here to protect you. You know…let me think about that so I can answer you really well. Perhaps say: “Oh, Sweetheart, that’s a really good question. Did you see something that made you start thinking about dying? Maybe you saw a picture or you heard people talking?”Īnd, if you are feeling numb and really don’t know what to say…that’s okay! Not every question needs to be answered at that very moment. Something like: “Sweetie, you have eagle eyes and are super good at paying attention and you notice a lot of things. Offer an opportunity to express any thoughts that might be just below the surface of their original question. I can see you’ve been thinking a bit about this.” Before you rush to give an answer, try to understand what your child wants to know …and why now. Take a slow deep breath and show your interest and respect for their question. Why do little kids have so many questions about death? And what is the best way for us to respond? What do you say when your child asks about death? Your little preschooler is full of interesting thoughts and observations…including wondering about death.
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